FaithAnew

Cause we' movin' on Uuup, to tha east side....

2005-10-05T12:45:00.000-02:00

Ok, well, were not there yet but progress has definitely been made. I am now back in school trying to finish my B.A. For those who don't know I do not like to do things in order.

Long story short: finished high school, had kid, had second kid, started college, played collegiate sports, met man of dreams, took break from college, trying to get married, started college again(but half way there), looking for job.

So the back in school part is fantabulas. I only need about 1 year maybe a little more and I will be done with that. Unless I choose to go on further. I have an interview today for a decent job. By decent I mean I will not be stocking shelves, flipping burgers, running registers, killing my back, or working for less than 10 bucks an hour. But, not great. not working for more than 20 bucks an hour, not the best hours (not bad either), with good benefits, not too far from the crib, and with a new company with lots of room to grow.

I am supposed to be doing my nails right now so that I look good for the interview. I just had to tell someone that I am crunk about it. It is one small step for my broke butt, and on giant step for...ok, it is just a small step, but still in the right direction. I need about 50 more steps. This is a good start.

Oh, yea, that huge mountain called debt, I am scaling that too. So, I guess this is a yea me, pat on the back, Yea I want a cookie, boost me up, and make myself feel good and keep fighting kind of post. I needed it

Grumble, grumble, grumble...

2005-09-14T14:46:00.000-02:00

It is indeed a colossal disaster that has taken place in New Orleans. What seemed to be bad turned in to horrifying over night. In the following days not many have had reason to repose. It has been one bad dream after another for those who are victim to Katrina and all of her wrath.

Many of us have been outraged at the slow response time and at some of the comments made by our leaders. We all know what was said so I do not have to write it. I have heard and made many comments and complaints about this. I find some of it appaling. Some have even gone so far as to blame the President for the hurricane itself.

Now, I have NEVER been a fan of W. However, the hurricane is not his fault. The delay of action, maybe. But how many disasters of this calibur have we encountered? Also, I do not say this in his defense. My point is that there will be human error. Mistakes will be made. Maybe W is prejudice, maybe he is not. I really don't care (well right now I don't). What matters is that those that are still needing help recieve it. What matters is that the bodies of the dead are gathered and properly respected. There are children with no parents. There are people who are dead and their family doesn't even know it yet.

And why are accusations and blame a current topic for concern? Why, can we please do that later? I don't know everything, I don't even know much. I do know that there is a problem with the way this is being handled. Maybe someone can help me here, but this is America. Why is it ok for people to be left in a state of sub-poverty for any length of time. This is why I am not so sure about the U.S. always having its' nose in saving other countries. Don't we have poor and hungry and needy here? O.K., that is another can-o-worms. I am just really hurt by all of this. This could have been me and my family as easily as it could be you and yours. It may be you and yours for all I know.

My heart and my prayers and my love and any donations I can make go out to all of those in need.

I wanna be fine

2005-09-09T00:33:00.000-02:00

Have you ever set out and decided that you were going to get in the best shape ever for the up coming season? Well, we all know brutha has (in his prep for Miami on the beach). I decided that I was going to get in the best shape ever. I just want to be FINE. I am told that I already am, but it is not good enough for me. I think I am simply cute (very cute). But not fine like the video hoes and super models. Well, I want to look like dem hoes.

So I began on this work out plan with the finest brotha I know. We go to the gym(that is where REAL work outs take place...you know who you are heffa), and work out and, we run, and we lift weights. I have really seen a change in my body. I am lovin it too...but DANG this hurts. My muscles ache and my feet are tired and I am catching cramps. I just don't know how bad I really want to be fine anymore. I mean, I am REALLY cute already. I know, I know, "no pain no gain." And yes I am drinking water and eating bananas and healthy crap. Yes I strech and I warm up, but this mess still hurts.

My "trainer" is also my man. Since he knows how wishy-washy and flighty I can be he has this habit of holding me to my word (I love him for that) and he is not letting me out of my previous desire's for fine-ness. See that I had to spell that fine-ness so that it would not look line finess. I think he has his own motive's in holding me to this one.

Well, really I am glad that is holding me to it, but I just wish it did not hurt sooo bad.

Oh, yea, missed you bloggers and your stories.

Still Here

2005-08-21T22:24:00.000-02:00

Hey everyone, I am coming back. I have to catch up and read what you all have been on. And I have been tagged, dang I am way behind. I'm coming back though. I miss you guys.

The Goddess within us all (well at least my sista's)

2005-08-05T22:57:00.000-02:00

Something about all of these women says GODDESS. In their own right, they are the stuff. And they look like they know it, but are not full of it. Just comfortable in, with, and being a Goddess. Every sista I know has some kind of Goddess in her. The question is which one is she and does she know it. I know I am one of them, I just do not know which one that would be. Often I feel like her. She looks al frazzled and fried, like she has no clue of what to do next. The difference is she looks okay with it. I am not.

I am trying to figure out which one I am, because frazzled is not going to work. I have some friends who I see the goddess in them, but I can tell they do not. Then I know some women who know who they are and are large and in charge. (love to see that) A friend of mine has has the ability to be one, but she believes in the power of seduction too much. So much that she is weakened by it. She does not realize the unhealthiness of her ways. Or if she does she chooses to ignore them.

Another lady I know is so busy trying to save the world that she doesn't even make time to think about her own problems. She has such a big heart, but she is not able to use it all because she does not love herself.

Some I see don't even realize the potential they have inside. I believe that it is better to not know than to know and not use what you have. Every now and then I get frustrated and wish I could be one of those who does not know. Who does not see the things that are available to them in life. That way I will not be knowingly wasting away and I will not know what I miss.

I have one friend who is so beautiful, she is intelligent and amazing in every way. She is a Goddess and she knows it. But at the same time, she is not, and she does not.

Then there are those who get lost n the ways of the world. They are too busy worring about what the Jones' have instead of taking care of home. They wouldn't know a good man if one came up and swept them off their feet. Have you ever seen a woman who was all there? Who was doing her thing, loving herself and the world too? One who looked like she could go anywhere and do what she had to do, even if she didn't want to? She (the one below) looks like that to me. She is demonstrating balance, poise and technique. Well. That is how I want to be. And guess what, sometimes I am every woman I just described in this post. And I am trying to find my way to her...Well, not her, but my self in similar pose for life...Except I don't want my leg all jacked up like that...And I am a little darker(not much, but definitely darker LOL)...And I would prefer a night sky...Ok, I think that's all.
Peace to all my sista's out there, may you find and posses your inner goddess.

psst...aye, shawty re(d), lemme holla

2005-08-04T02:07:00.000-02:00

Can you guess what I am blogging about today? Hope so, but if not, I will tell you. I am soooo (yes, like Becky, Oh my god) tired of brutha's trying to holla at sista's like that. I am frustrated by the fact that it works, hence my intentional boogie-ness (I know that's probably not how to spell that, but I also don't know the right way...LOL) in the previous sentence. I was originally going to post about this old guy who came into my job today and spent like 30 minutes trying to decide which product was cheaper by doing the math in his head. Not only, that he was this old Jewish looking guy with the worst comb-forward-pony-tail on the front of his head ever. Not to disrespect my elders or the elderly, but this guy was too much. I got a laugh out of watching him try to figure which product was cheaper by dividing cost by pounds Then trying to break it down even further to compare his figures with the cost per ounce listed on the price tag, as if the price tag was lying to force him to make a bad purchase and spend more money.

So back to my current post, I was driving to my mothers house the other morning, which is way in the middle of the North freaking nowhere Georgia mountains, when a semi-truck honked at me. I was rolling with the top down as it was a beautiful sunny morning. I glance back to see if I had done something wrong, gotten in their way, or left my gas tank door open or something to that effect. The two guys start waving like a bunch of crazies. I shrug and proceed on my way. A few miles later we are in traffic and they catch up to me and start honking and waving again. This time they are beside me and being really persistent. I think to myself, maybe they know me from somewhere. So I glance over again to see if I recognize them, and I have no freaking clue who these two are. Then I speed up so as not to be bothered anymore. Further down the road they catch up to me again. At this point I am cursing Atl traffic worse than any sailor I ever heard of. Not just because of these guys, the were not so bothersome, but for the simple fact that I was heading away from downtown Atl at 7:30 am, and I was stuck in traffic. AGGHHH. And they wonder why we develop road rage!! Sorry, back to the story, I get stuck right beside these guys with nowhere to go. The top is down so it is not like I can roll the window up and not hear them. The radio sucks so if I turn it up all u hear is the static from the speakers (I was listening to a CD, that is just how bad my speakers are, taking donations...LOL...naw, for real). I look over, since the guy on the passenger side is yelling loud enough for all to hear, and he says,"Aye, shawty re(d), lemme holla!" Notice the d is in parenthesis, that is because it was silent.
I realize that this is not an uncommon occurrence. I hear it and see it all the time. I am sick of it though. At one time I may have, ok, I have responded-but that is all-to such. But I am tired of that mess. What is wrong with, "excuse me," ,"what's your name," or just plain old, simple, everyday, "hello"? I actually respond to that kind of thing. Even if I am not interested in the brutha, I will say hello. That other mess, I turn and walk away.

So, brutha's out there, take note, and pass this along to those who may not know. If you are just looking for that hood rat or just trying to hit and run, then keep it up. If you are looking for a good woman, or at least one a woman with class (since class does not necessitate goodness), try some new and improved approaches

Thoughts on writing, maybe even some rambling!

2005-08-01T11:07:00.000-02:00

Blank pages, what to do with them? How to fill them? It really sucks that every time I sit down with intentions of writing I have nothing to write about. The ideas just flee form my mind like roaches when you turn the light on. No, not like those super-roaches in the hood that get mad and turn the lights back off, like the regular ones when you are just a little broke and can't afford an exterminator. "Where do they go," (the ideas not the roaches) is my question. They have got to be in that wind tunnel somewhere.

And, of course, every time there is no pen and paper for mails around, I have more ideas than a black man going to jail. I actually do get great ideas sometimes, too bed I am forgetful and don't get to share them. If I am around pen and paper or computer, nothing comes out. Ok, so maybe they call that writers block. I mean it is like I go into a empty page induced coma. I need a cure for that mess. I mean, what do you do?

Then there is my other problem, I don't like to write. No, it's not that I don't like to put thoughts in to a readable, or share-able, or edit-able, or some manageable form.
I don't like the physical aspect. Perhaps that makes me lazy, but I despise my hand cramping and aching. I am terrible at typing and my voice recognition software is not working properly. I would much prefer the words and sentences to fall from my head and stick to the page. I do enjoy the concept of writing, expressing feelings, action, and emotions with words that demand attention. The writing process has serious potential to be tedious and time consuming. It is very discouraging at times.

But, then something happened...I realized that I don't care if I write one word or one whole stinking book. Just so long as I write something to get back into the practice of it. Not too mention that I realized I could change my blog page to fit my mood. I love this stuff. I started trying to learn html and cssand all that crap. (no I did not write this page, but I sure mangled the mess out of it trying to get it to work the way I wanted it too. But, that's ok, because when I look at html now, it makes some kind of sense.)

So then I realized what I expected to get out of my blog page. I expected to get some creative outlet. A place to just say and create silly stuff. Perhaps it is a bit therapeutic. Perhaps it is sharpening my mind.(I have spent more time looking words up than makes sense.) And, perhaps I am just enjoying writing and reading what everyone else has to say.

faith and poetry

2005-07-26T22:22:00.000-02:00

i am the daughter of,
constuction workers, writers
teachers, cherokee tribes,
immigrants, slaves and masters,
islands afar, america and travelers,
english heritage and german tradition,
the sierra leon and my own destination

i have watched my mothers struggle
rise up from her mothers grasp
build sucess from broken dreams
destroy with a sharp tongue
and break barriers of silence

i have heard my fathers cry
listened for signs of life
watched promises
fade with sunsets

i have seen a man make a choice
be a father
and silence the noise
of sobs in the night
from a broken heart

i am the daughter of many hearts,
rebelling generations
slowly accept the colors i wear

inspired by another's work. hope ya'll like it
oh well if you don't

Where's the Beef?

2005-07-20T09:37:00.000-02:00

I went to McDonald's last night, starving for some greasy cheeseburgers, and was told "we are all out of patties!"

WHAT!!! Out of patties? this is McDonald's I thought. This is an outrage. How do you build your reputation on burgers and fries, and then run out of burgers??? I won't say which one I was at, but the guy working had the nerve to get an attitude with me. Like I was supposed to know to not ask for burgers because they were out.

So, here I am starving, no where else to eat (this is one of the only intersections in GA that does not have 3 Waffle Houses on it or within 3 miles of it), and nothing I can do about it. I DO NOT eat fish from McDonald's. Something about fish from a fast food restraunt just doesn't work for me. And no, I do not eat at Captian D's or Long John Silver's. I also do not eat salad from McDonald's. I have yet to see one that was not brown and just generally sad looking. Ok, so I don't eat much from there, I don't even eat the fries unless they are HOT out of the grease, extra crispy and heavily salted. Basically the only thing I like from the place is the cheeseburgers, which have to be plain or else I will not touch them. Oh yea, and apple pies. 2 for a dollar, Ummm ummm ummm, cheap and hot. That's the way I like it. But guess what...they didn't have any apple pies!!! Needless to say I starved.

Maybe I am stank in my eating habits. Picky, ungrateful, saditty, diffucult, all words that accuratly describe me ordering food everywhere I go. Don't get mad at me though. The commercial says "we love to make you smile," well, dang-it I was not smiling. I was hungry, sleepy frustrated, sad and FROWNING.

I felt like Grimace in trying to ride a roller coaster (he's too fat to get on - get it? huh? huh? lol, oh, never mind. I tried). I felt like Jared at a Subway 2 minutes after they locked the door. I felt like R. Kelly at an all girls elementary school after the last bell rang.

I will not be made to feel like that again. I am on a one-woman boycott of Mickey Dee's. From now on I am havin' it my way. (Lmao)

Just Plain REMEDIAL!!

2005-07-19T07:08:00.000-02:00

I don't know about you all, but I work at a crappy job. Don't get me wrong, it pays the bills. No, it doesn't, but I keep going because it is better than being lazy. Anyways, I work at this place that is pretty "low-budget" when it comes to I.Q.s. I mean most of the people there are in high school, or never finished and never will. High school, they never finished high school and they never will. The managers are nice enough, but very few of them finished or went to college. "Just not cut out for it" is what one of them told me. Ok, cool enough, not everyone is. No disrespect intended there.

Before I go any further, I do like the people at my job, it is just the ugh, well you will understand in a minute.

As I was saying, the people are nice, but not really doing anything or going anywhere. So I often find myself wondering why the heck I am here? Why am I not working some job that I like and that pays me worth what I do? That is a whole other topic that we will not be covering today. Well, one day, I was asked to do some basic everyday, run of the mill task. Nothing complicated. Basically monkey work. (I had a teacher in the seventh grade that called busy work monkey work. Any monkey, with the about 5 minutes of training could do it, hence the name.) So this task was basically Monkey work. I accepted the task realizing that it was monkey work. But before I could begin I had to complete a "learning module" to ensure that I understood how to do my monkey work properly. As I was starting my manager came back to see that I was following the methods preferred. "oh, wait, don't hold it like that, do it this way." and "when you place it, put the front end first." Which by the way I was doing it exactly that way on my own because it was the logical and sensible way to do it.
Why you may asks am I bothered by this? Well, because it is not freakin rocket science. It is monkey work. Well, maybe it is rocket science since we have probably sent as many monkeys into outer space as we have humans. LOL. Either way, it is not like a 6 yr. Old could not do it right. But they act like it is freakin rocket science. Like the world could end if the front end is not placed first. Can you tell that I am dissatisfied with my job. But even if I wasn't. Even if I worked some high end job that paid me boo-coo dollars. There would still be things that went on that baffled me. I mean every job that is run by executives has operations that look good on paper, but never quite work out in reality, kinda like communism. So I am griping and complaining about these things.

Who am I though? Would my ideas or operations be any better? Could I find a way so that absolutely everything made sense? So rather than questioning all the things that drive me crazy at work or in life, sometimes it is good to just shut-up and get it done.

Ok, so what really started this foolish rant? Listening to a coworker question every in and out of a very simple job function, that may or may not have made sense. All the while driving the supervisor, customers, and myself thoroughly INSANE.

Just shut-up and do it. Don't question EVERYTHING!
(although, there is a time and a place for such interrogation.)

What Are We Doing?

2005-07-17T19:41:00.000-02:00

Ok, so I realize that I am new to the blog world, but I have to share this with someone.

Who is raising our children these days???

I mean, is it acceptable to allow the television and it's unrealistic, over-sexed, dramatizations to teach our children what life is about?
Ok, so maybe we do have a revival of those classics like Care Bears and Strawberry Shortcake and G.I. Joe. Shows that attempt to entertain and teach some sort of value or life lesson in every episode. We also have Blue's Clues and Jimmy Neutron and Dora(who by the way I have some serious beef with. After seeing the effects of Dora on my bestfriends 3 yr old little girl, I am convinced that Dora presents an unrealistic, racist, and oversimplified view on life.).

What about our t.v. shows? Is Will & Grace really a show a 6 your old should love?(not that I personally know any 6 yr. Olds who love that show) Daytime t.v. is laced with sex, alcohol, and frivolous spending. It would be so nice if one could just call up the networks and request nicely that they remove such vulgar and perverse shows from their line up so that our children and our society might have a better influence. Unfortunately, it is not their fault. They do not hold us at gun point and force us to endure such painfully trite shows such as The Anna Nicole Show, or Being Bobby Brown, or The Simple Life. And don't forget those summer favorites such as The O.C., or Summerland. WE are the guilty party. We choose to tune in and live indirectly through the lives of made up characters who have the opportunity to rehearse, run through make-up and wardrobe, edit, cut and paste, and sound. As if that is an accurate portrayal of life. What does this have to do with kids? Let's be real, they see what we watch.

Sorry I think I got a little carried away on that tangent, but it serves to support my point. If this is how we live, what are our children learning? To escape reality by turning on the tube? That sex sells? That drinking is cool as long as you have one responsible person with you? I think this is an outrage!! Too bad it doesn't really matter because this is what we do. This is how we live. Kids don't play out side anymore they just select the outdoor arena in their next Tekken battle. They have no need for imagination there are graphics and sound effects for all of that.

Here is a funny story that happened to a friend of mine named J.
While playing with some kids at a summer camp the following took place:

J:(playing around with a kid, ruffhousing, puts the kid in a friendly headlock)
Kid:Watch yourself fool, he-ya.(the kid karate style frees him self and locks J up momentarily)
J:Hey man, Where'd you learn that? You take Karate or something?
Kid:(looks at J like he's dumb for asking the question)Video Games, fool!(then runs off)

Not only is television a problem, but what happened to parenting. We are all too tired, too stressed, angry, sad, selfish, busy, and lost to take time to teach our children. What happened to home training. Where is the respect, the understanding of "principles"?

What happened to the neighbors that would rat you out in a second if they saw you trying to sneak your boyfriend in the house after school before your parents came home from work.

What happened to the teacher that would call your parents and set up a plan to help the child do better. Matter fact, what the hell happened to the parents who gave a damn???

Where are the mothers who upon seeing your face attempt to pass a curse word through your lips would go upside your face before your vocal chords had the opportunity to begin to vibrate any sound out of them?

Where are the fathers who would pick you up after school if the teacher called to say you were acting out, take you home and beat your backside with a ping pong paddle that had holes drilled in it to reduce resistance from the air so as to deliver the most amount of pain to your backside to remind you not to make that mistake again.

Ok, so all of this was to say that the future looks real motha f***ing bleak for us. Oh, sure, there will be great leaders and wonderful accomplishments. There will be athletes and scholars, but these little "offspring" don't give a care about us now. What the hell makes anyone think they will care about us when we are 80 years old, incapable of controlling our bodily functions and need to be spoon fed? Why the hell should they? We don't take the time to wipe their asses and noses when they need it? Why should they give a damn about us?

They are just what we teach them to be.